Fear

I am single.
I am mom.
I am broke.
I am in Chapter 13 – Five years to go
I have no Emergency Fund.
I am scared.

My biggest fears:

There will be illness in my family and somebody will get hurt or I will get  hurt and can’t pay bills.
There will be a job loss and I can’t pay my bills, I will lose home and live on the street.
There will be condo maintenance that will be so expensive I can’t afford it, such as Heating or Plumbing.  Where would I get that money?
My car will break down.
The confirmation Payment will be set so high it sets me up for misery for the next Five years.
My daughter will need more than I can provide in the next Five years as she gets older, starts high school and driving.
We won’t have enough for even cheap coffee.
My daughter will feel poor.
We are poor.
My Laptop breaks.
I have a heart attack from all the stress.
I age so much from the worry in the next Five years.

FEAR.

There, I got it out, let’s see if that helps.

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14 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, my friend. When my wife and I started our Debt management plan we had the same kind of fear. Somehow, we’ve made it this far. I re-found my love of writing and found a part-time income in freelance personal finance writing. My wife has taken on a second job. I do Secret Shopping gigs for $10-$20 each. Somehow we’ve got to this point where the finish line is only 15 payments away. That may sound like a long time to some, but we’ve got 42 behind us. It hasn’t been easy – we’ve fought, we’ve screamed, we’ve cried. We’ve borrowed from friends and family and then paid it back. We’ve been in a constant state of looking for what we can cut out or reduce in our monthly expenditures. Worrying gains you nothing. Action gains you *everything.*

    But we’ve made it this far, and we’re going to make it to the end.

    You will too. *Hugs* friend.

    • Travis, 42 payments behind you is huge! I think its wonderful! It is a hard row to hoe and I just keep trying to look at the bigger picture then end result, but in the back of my mind, I can’t help knowing that most chapter 13s end in failure. I just don’t want to be part of that statistic.
      Thank you for your encouragment, means a lot!!!

  2. Hang in there. 5 more years and you’ll get your normal life as it once was. Thanks for sharing. Here’s my list.
    I am single too
    I have no emergency fund either
    I have more than $350,000 of debt
    I am scared I might get laid off from work tomorrow
    I have sleeping problems
    I am worried my parents might become ill and I don’t have the money to care for them
    I have more insecurities than most people think I do 😀

    • Liquid, you are right, I didn’t think you had the same kind of issues as I do, but take heart! I know you are pretty young relative to me and you have so much time to get right. One of my issues is my age and debtload just did not give me any breathing roommor hope!

      Another thing, I think you are really good with money now, young, while it counts. I was never good at it or wise with it until now! A little late and hoping to get it right so I can go into old age with a little less stress.

    • Thank you for that. I really appreciate it and I checked out your site and will take some time over the weekend to spend some time there. It looks like a keeper for my roll!

  3. It sucks! But it is not so bad. Make a gratitude journal next to that list. Find three cool things each time. You will raise a resourceful daughter. I am sure she can buy her high school luxuries with money from baby sitting. And pay for her driving lessons. I know I did. Your laptop will certainly break in the next five years, there is freecycle for that, and non profits that help you fix it, diy tutorials on youtube, and cheap replacements on ebay. It looks like you have a cool support group around here.

    • I am so grateful for this support group Pauline, you are so important to me. I haven’t shared my financial struggle with many and I am not sure they would understand, but here, online with the chosen few blog friends I have made, I am so grateful. It is so funny you mentioned Freecycle! I went back and joined that group and looked around and when I came back here and read your comment, there it was! Wow, such a coincidence! I would like to trade my daughters bunk/futon bed for a double as she doesn’t use the bunk anymore and I am not buying one!!! So hopefully, I will post about that trade someday! Thank you for the reminder to be grateful!! I needed that!

  4. You are very persistant and organized and I have full confidence you will turn things around and no longer have to worry about these things. You are going to set such a great example for your daughter about how to deal with things when the chips are down which is so important in life. Hang in there.

    • Hello Miss T, I can’t wait for the day! The kid sure is learning about budget and “waste not want not” around here! I have a good girl, she deserves so much, makes me sad. But we will be okay! Thank you so much! Still hanging! 😉

  5. Look into doing car maintenance yourself. Oil, brakes, radiators, and belts can be fairly straightforward. (I learned a fair amount of car maintance my last year of law school, and did more in the subsuequent three years to keep my ’91 car on the road.) Alternatively, find someone who can knows car repairs and will do it in exchange for babysitting, house-cleaning, etc.

    Not sure what your income is, or what your philosophy is re: government safety nets, but check to see if your daughter is eligible for S-CHIP. The cost is very reasonable ($15 a month or so) and will at least alleviate your worry about her getting sick.

    Legally, the bankruptcy payment can be modified if your expenses skyrocket, but you have to be really, really proactive in seeking a modification.

    There are some groups/schools/churches/etc that offer reduced-fee or sliding-fee psychological services. Don’t let the stress kill you.

  6. I am right there with you….except I am not half as organized as you….You inspire me…keep it up!
    (our computer broke and i’m typing on a lap top with a broken screen)

    • Hey Maureen, thank you! My poor laptop mouse doesn’t work, so I attached a mouse, then the power cord died, so I bought one of those that can fit any laptop, it has connectors, so I can have it forever. Its only a matter of time.
      Maybe you can go on Freecycle.org and put in the kind of laptop you have, let them know you don’t care if its working or not, and then try to just swap out the screen? Maybe if you take the replacement part with you they will cut you some slack?
      Please come back and tell me more about you and lets share ideas!

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