What a title!
Today it applies to volunteering and handling the stress of my daughters bad golf days.
Let’s start with the volunteering part. I don’t usually volunteer when I feel lousy, but I felt pretty good this weekend. (Until all this happened!)
It was so cold and windy and they put me up on a hill where I had to spot so I had to move around a lot, which made it impossible to keep my umbrella up as a wind blocker.
I can’t afford to get sick, so I have to be really careful!
I radioed in that they needed to switch me to a different position but he just let me go for the day.
I found my kid on the course and let her know I’d be back. She’s fine with me not being there. When I volunteer I never see her except when she passes through my area, so that’s not a big deal, I just didn’t want to be gone and her not be aware.
So anyway… off I went and on the way home I stopped at the 99 cent store and picked up $27.00 worth of paper and canned goods. I needed a refrigerator bulb.
I didn’t buy any food that needed refrigeration because that was turned off! More on that in a minute. No STRESS here.
On the way I also stopped at the thrift store and picked up a couple of tops and a candle. One top and the candle are brand new!
I didn’t pay that price.
I really like longer sleeves these days. After 50 don’t wear short sleeves!
This is what I paid.
That’s more like it.
Okay, now lets get to the “I Suck” part. My kid texted me toward the end of the day that she had four “blow up” holes. That means really bad! Well, it happens. I get it. But what comes next…. is not pretty. Look away!
So I go get her and she climbs in the car…”Well, mom, I birdied that last whole to save 100”.
100. Are you serious? One Hundred???
My kid has been shooting in the 80s during practice rounds. During tournaments her scores are the worst, but 100 is unacceptable! I about burst a blood vessel.
And here again is the really I SUCK ugly part. I went on a rant. “That’s it, we are done, I cannot believe you are shooting scores like this, this cost me so much money, are you not taking this seriously, we are done, its over, no more golf, you suck, your friends suck, this sucks.” etc. It was ugly. There were some F bombs included. Yep, occasionally I am not a quality person.
In reality, I suck. She is just a kid. She makes mistakes but its not completely her fault. She doesn’t deserve me to whip out the Ginzu knives and rip her to shreds. I just get so frustrated with all the money that goes towards it. I know there is more on the line here than just a round of golf. Its her future, possible scholarships and that is what freaks me out.
The money. Cause I don’t have any. If I had money, I would probably be a really nice and chill mom. “Oh that is okay dear, no worries, we will just get you more lessons and buy a better set of clubs. No big deal honey, would you rather take up horseback riding or oil painting, fashion design? Lets go to the mall!
What a day! The golf game, the vent and the refrigerator. Oh the refrigerator.
So in the morning as we are leaving to go to the course, my kid pulls out a ice bottle from the freezer for her lunch. There has been a broken bulb in there for a long time, but it sparked and that freaked us out. The fridge went off. I turned off the breaker and we plugged it in another socket and it came back on. For about a second. Then it sparked and did it again. The fridge went off. I had no time to figure it out.
I kept thinking CRAP I’m probably going to have to call someone on a Saturday, its gonna cost me a fortune or I am gonna have to buy a new fridge. OMG! That was a nice way to start the day.
When I got home I realized the old bulb is probably shorting it out. I turned off the breakers and carefully pulled out the old broken bulb and turned it back on and it quit shorting out. Fixed. No expensive repair guy needed thankfully!
Yesterday was not my best day. Not proud of myself or my reaction. I am not a good golf mom. I fear I am really screwing up in more ways than just golf. I apologized to my kid, let her know that some of the things I said I meant, but my delivery was unacceptable and we had a long talk.
I never had the opportunity that she has, and she doesn’t have much, so you can imagine what my life was like. I explained to her that it hurts me and frustrates me that I feel like she is not taking advantage of what little I can give and the things I am trying to do for her. She gets it I think.
This is gonna be something I work on with my shrink. In the meantime… you guys get to hear it
Today, I get to stay home and feel like the schmuck that I am. Her dad can go with her today and no matter what how she does today I have got to learn to keep my Ginzu knives to myself!
Hope your weekend is better than mine!